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The "Sarmat-Titan-XL": Because Size Is the Only Physics That Matters
The official rollout of the RS-28 Sarmat II--a missile so gargantuan that it requires its own tectonic plate just to stand up straight—has finally…
23 hrs ago
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Let’s Not Make This Political
Council Slashes $238,750 from Mayor’s Budget; Koch Reportedly "Looking at Statues with New, Desperate Intensity"
QUINCY — In a move that local political analysts are calling "the most expensive game of Red Rover in Norfolk County history," the Quincy City Council…
May 14
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Let’s Not Make This Political
LNMTP Editorial Board: Please Stop Assigning Lore To Me, My Dating History Proves Time Travel Isn't Real.
All Hands On Deck for The Apocalypse. We're Writing Again.
May 12
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Let’s Not Make This Political
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NOTHING BUT VIBES?": Disgruntled Bandits Demand Refund After Cleaning Out Local General Store
Local law enforcement is dealing with a bizarre case of "thief’s remorse" this morning after a group of masked bandits, who successfully managed to…
May 12
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Let’s Not Make This Political
THE SOUTH SHORE "SNIFFLE-POCALYPSE": Why Your Child's New Tail is Actually a Sign of Resilience
The Great South Shore Sniffle-Pocalypse of 2026 will likely go down in the annals of New England history not as a public health crisis, but as the most…
May 12
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Let’s Not Make This Political
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Lawyer Accidentally Admits Town Could Have Solved Entire Housing Crisis With One Sentence, Immediately Gets Cross-Examined By Reality
Mar 9
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Let’s Not Make This Political
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The Town Assures Residents That Drinking White Claws In a Backyard Is Not a Meeting, Even If the Same Five People Keep Governing From the…
Mar 12
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Hanover Schools Unveil New Course: ‘Financial Literacy for Override Kids—How to Pay Off Mom’s Canva Addiction Before It Ruins Your Life’
Jul 29, 2025
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Let’s Not Make This Political
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Unsustainable Groundhog Day, But Make It Civic: An Update, a Loop, and the New LNMTP Categories
Dec 26, 2025
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Let’s Not Make This Political
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Wilmington Mulch Pile Enters Month Seven of Successful Military Campaign; Pentagon Requests Briefing
Mar 13
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Let’s Not Make This Political
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Marshfield Just Turned JV Soccer Into a First-Round Draft Pick Buy-In
Sep 5, 2025
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Let’s Not Make This Political
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South Shore Moms Declare “Protein Is Patriarchy” in Sweeping Lifestyle Rebrand
HINGHAM, MA — The South Shore wellness ecosystem was rocked this week after a loose coalition of mothers from Hingham, Cohasset, and “the nice part of…
May 11
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Let’s Not Make This Political
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God Finally Notices the South Shore”: Massive Earthquakes Devastate Coastal Massachusetts
South Shore, MA — Residents of the normally tranquil suburban coastline awoke Tuesday to catastrophic destruction after a series of unprecedented…
May 11
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Let’s Not Make This Political
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Pembroke Medium Sees Future, Says Pembroke Might Have to Move Back in With Mom
PEMBROKE — Just days before residents vote on a contentious $2 million override, local clairvoyant and part-time medium Debra “Moonbeam” Cavanaugh…
May 11
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Let’s Not Make This Political
Let's Not Make This Political
LNMTP 2.0. Covering Massachusetts and the News with the seriousness that it deserves.
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