Sitemap - 2026 - Let's Not Make This Political

A Politician’s Definitive Guide to Handling a Joke That Hurt Your Weak-Ass Pathetic Feelings, As Demonstrated This Week by the Most Powerful Office on Earth

LNMTP Power Ranking: Every Move In The Select Board Member Playbook Who Thinks Showing Up Is The Same As Leading, Ranked By How Much They Actually Believe It

We're Back (Barely. Kinda) You Can Take A Lot From Us. The Jokes Aren't on the Table

OUT OF OFFICE AND SOME FUN ANNOUNCEMENTS ON A FUTURE APPEARANCE

WHITE STADIUM SAGA: Boston’s $325 Million “It’s Fine, It’s For The Kids” Soccer Drama Heads To Its Final Boss

Rise and Shine. We Have Campaign Letters to Read. You're Welcome and We're Sorry.

LOCAL WOMAN DISCOVERS NEIGHBORS HAVE BEEN SECRETLY CONSTRUCTING AN ENTIRE APARTMENT COMPLEX INSIDE THEIR GARAGE, DEMANDS GOVERNMENT INTERVENTION

MASSACHUSETTS TOWN DISCOVERS ANCIENT DEMOCRATIC RITUAL THAT LETS YOU FIRE YOUR SELECTMAN BEFORE HE FINISHES RUINING THE ROTARY

Area Official Assures Public He Is Technically Still In Office

Override Season Hits South Shore Especially Hard, Sources Say It’s Always Been Like This Down Here

Massachusetts Unveils Bold New Firearms Policy: “Please Calm Down First, Then Shoot”

A Note From LNMTP About The Rest of The Week and Launch Day.

Happy April Fools' Day. The Joke Is That We're Serious. (We Can't Wait to Cover our Favorite Towns.)

Hanover’s Fiscal Vision: “Deadlines Are For Peasants”

USDA Cancels Farming Mid-Season, Assures Crops They Should Have Anticipated Policy Vibes

LNMTP is Turning One Somehow: A Celebration of the Public Officials Who Made It Necessary

Nation’s HR Departments Declare State Of Emergency After Hegseth Poem Inspires Coast-To-Coast Rhyming Manifesto Crisis

Melania Trump Proposes Replacing Teachers With AI Robots; MTA Immediately Endorses Plan, Submits Contract Demands On Their Behalf

Area 8-Year-Old Self-Relocates To Higher-Income Municipality, Cites Unbearable Marshfield Vibes

Area Towns Announce Record Tax Override Requests, Insist New $4M Turf Field Non-Negotiable

Town Reminds Residents That Civility Is The Cornerstone Of Democracy, Which Is Why Tonight’s Meeting Starts At 2:17 P.M. On A Tuesday

MBTA TO RUN TEST TRAIN TO FOXBOROUGH AHEAD OF WORLD CUP, CONFIDENT EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE ONCE ICE FINISHES PROCESSING VISITORS, BILLIONAIRES LOCATE THEIR WALLETS, PARKING RESOLVES ITSELF, AND MOROCC

State That Cannot Fill a Pothole in Under Nine Months Confident It Can Regulate Artificial Intelligence

U.S. Military Runs Out Of Ammo Fighting The Clearance Aisle

BREAKING: U.S. Announces “Very Productive” Iran Talks, Iran Responds “Stop Texting Us,” Markets Decide Truth Is Optional

South Shore News Strikes Again: Claims Pembroke Schools Are Personally Being Attacked 4,388 Times A Week in Harrowing IT Quote. They're Not.

Congratulations, You’re Probably a Bot: A South Shore Voter’s Guide to Being Too Real for the Algorithm

Guy Who Spent Entire Year Telling Everyone They’re Useless Would Now Like Everyone to Come Save Him Please

Hanover School Committee Discovers “The Dark Web,” Would Like More of Your Money Please

OHIO JURY UNANIMOUSLY AGREES THAT IF YOU KICK IN A MAN'S DOOR, STEAL HIS MONEY, POINT RIFLES AT HIS KIDS, AND STOP TO LOOK AT HIS CAKE, HE IS ALLOWED TO WRITE A SONG ABOUT IT

SELECT BOARD MEMBER WHO DID NOT COVER HIS OWN TOWN MISMANAGING MONEY WHILE ON THE BOARD PUBLISHES AI-GENERATED ARTICLE ABOUT THE DANGERS OF AI IN GOVERNMENT, ASKS FOR MONEY

FBI Director Kash Patel Confirms Agency Purchases Your Location Data, Says It Has “Led To Some Valuable Intelligence,” Such As Knowing You Went To The Same Starbucks Drive-Thru Four Times Last Tuesday

Local Politician With A Publish Button Wins Local Politician With A Publish Button’s Most Prestigious Award For Local Politician With A Publish Button

Man Who Sold Company for $190 Million and Lives in Aerosmith’s Former Mansion Wants You to Know Credit Scores Are a Scam

Nation’s Southie Cousins Declare They Weren’t Going to Get Political, But Then It Started Looking Like Rain on St. Patrick’s Day

Nation That Spent Six Weeks Debating Whether Poor People Deserve Food To Receive Accelerated Follow-Up Lesson Via Global Oil Shock

Wilmington Mulch Pile Enters Month Seven of Successful Military Campaign; Pentagon Requests Briefing

The Town Assures Residents That Drinking White Claws In a Backyard Is Not a Meeting, Even If the Same Five People Keep Governing From the Group Chat

Nation’s Most Powerful Political Analyst Accidentally Realizes War Is Bad During Podcast About Elk Meat

Russia Concerned Wars Are Undermining Global Trust In Wars

LOCAL GOVERNANCE TOOL WORKS PERFECTLY, RESIDENTS SIMPLY NEED TO HAVE MORE MONEY

Town That Has Been Monitoring Problems For Years Accidentally Creates Appearance Of Doom With Too Many Facts

Lawyer Accidentally Admits Town Could Have Solved Entire Housing Crisis With One Sentence, Immediately Gets Cross-Examined By Reality

Congratulations,Neighbors! You've Been Selected for an Exclusive Garbage Excursion

LNMTP POWER RANKINGS People Who Had a Worse Week Than the U.S. Constitution

Americans Shocked to Learn Gas Prices Respond Directly to Wars They Start

AI News Robots Devastated After South Shore Town Asks Them To Stop Covering It, Region Finally Begins Recovering From Six Months Of Confidently Incorrect Budget Explainers

FIFA Unveils New 2026 World Cup Strategy: “If You Survive America, You Deserve the Trophy”

Global Economy? More Like Global Oil Panic: Spin the Price-Is-Right Wheel of Doom

South Shore First Responders Shocked To Learn Uber And Lyft Exist, Entire Region Quickly Googles “Ride Home App”

Russia Expands “Trump Meal Plan” After Reportedly Giving Iran Coordinates for U.S. Warships

Researchers Conclude South Shore Committee Member’s AI Chatbot May Have Begun As Personal “Attention Seeking Management System” Before Being Deployed To Explain Town Government

Congress Rejects Resolution to Stop War After Determining United States Has Already Done Too Much War To Turn Around Now

Administration Solves Homeland Security Problem by Firing Kristi Noem and Replacing Her With Guy Already Doing Completely Different Job

Nation Spirals Into Constitutional Crisis After Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Declares War On Dunkin’ Iced Coffee

Local AI Newsroom That Spent Months Explaining Brockton’s School Budget Crisis Suddenly Discovers Same Math Exists In Wealthier Suburbs

IMF Warns Global Economy Faces War While American Towns Quietly Prepare To Spend Their Way Through Every Other Existential Crossroads

Administration Clarifies That the United States Is Both At War and Not At War Depending on the Current Three-Hour Strategic Narrative Window

Massachusetts Municipalities Shocked, Devastated To Learn 61 Percent Is Not Actually 75 Percent

Nation’s “But We’re Tired and Need A New Dog Park” Crowd Shocked To Learn History Continues After November 2024

White House Confirms Military Replenished Through Retroactive First Term Logistics

Winthrop Voters Demand To Know If Town Infrastructure Runs On Hope and A Single Extension Cord

All Summer We Said Winter Was Coming and Now There’s Ocean Water in the Living Room

Massachusetts Budget Labeled ‘Opaque, Chaotic, Deeply Flawed,’ Town Finance Committees Shocked To Learn This Is Not The Goal

DHS Marks 23 Years Of Coordination During Weekend Of Bombing, Confusion, And Zero Coordination

One Hour Blood Moon on Tuesday Morning Because Why the Fuck Not

Trump Says He Stopped Eight Wars While Launching New One, Tells Iranian Citizens to Overthrow Government Mid-Bombing

Plymouth County Asked If You’re Hungry: And We Said, “Hold On, We’re Fighting About the Flagpole”

LNMTP’s Top 10 Things To Do When You’re Stuck Inside and the News Says “More Snow Next Week”

Massachusetts Fixes Its Schools, Just Not All of Them

Nation Survives State of the Union, Still Unsure What It Just Watched

South Shore Residents Demand Formal Inquiry After Snow Refuses to Shovel and Melt Itself

Multistate Coalition, Including Tong and Campbell, Seeks Court Enforcement Over FEMA BRIC Program

Massachusetts, Connecticut Reach $515,000 Settlement With Ambulance Billing Vendor Over 2022 Data Breach

Connecticut, Massachusetts Lawmakers Push Federal Immigration Enforcement Accountability Amid Use-of-Force Concerns

Civic Literacy Index: Local Government: What It Is, How it Works, and Why It Matters