Sitemap - 2025 - Let's Not Make This Political

Marshfield Prepares to Interview Qualified Candidate Fired for Saying “God These People Are Stupid,” and the LNMTP Editorial Board Has Been Debating If He Knows What He Applied For

Small Business Saturday: A Celebration of the People Who Actually Make Towns Work

Rockland Board of Health Achieves Historic Breakthrough in Not Meeting Again

Winthrop Protects Itself From Trees by Refusing Housing, Funding, and Reality

LNMTP Investigates: America Just Deprofessionalized Every Woman-Dominated Field AND Your Town Responded by Staffing Like It Won the Lottery — Welcome to the Education Apocalypse

LNMTP: The Great South Shore Snack Bracket — Where the Chips Are Salty and the Politics Are Saltier

LNMTP PRESENTS: How to Survive Thanksgiving on the South Shore (Without Filing a Public Records Request Before Dessert)

The Town That Keeps Lowering Its School Growth Rate Like It’s a FitBit Step Count: A Horror Story in The Making

Massachusetts Announces “Cuffing Season Energy Plan” As LIHEAP Funds Remain Frozen in Federal Bureaucracy; Commonwealth Releases Official Tips for Body-Heat-Based Survival

Whitman–Hanson Didn’t “Break” — It Finally Admitted It’s Been Held Together With Duct Tape and Denial Since 2019

Hanover Fire Department Casually Brags About Deer Collision Problem, We're Officially Taking the Week Off.

K-12 Federal Education Grants Are Being Smashed; Local Leaders Respond With “Thought Leadership” LARP

BREAKING: Group Screams About “Supporting Teachers and Education” Moments Before Heroically Reducing the Library to Whatever Helps It Barely Stay Accredited

“If You Can’t Afford It Here, Just Move,” Says South Shore Resident Who Loves to Talk About Community Engagement

Plymouth County Assessor Accidentally Reveals Entire Region’s Economy Is Just One HOA Board and a Pumpkin Spice Seasonal Cycle

LNMTP POWER RANKING: SOUTH SHORE EMAILS THAT SHOULD'VE STAYED IN THE DRAFT FOLDER: MUNICIPAL FIELD GUIDE EDITION

South Shore Plunges Into Yuletide Chaos After Rogue Inflatable Santa Breaches Saturday Morning Bagel Hour

We Weren’t Going To Write Anything New This Morning, But We Just Absolutely Cannot With These People: Whitman-Hanson Circuit Breaker Edition

THE SOUTH SHORE’S MOST POWERFUL POLITICIAN IS A GUY NO ONE HAS MET AND HE’S MADE ENTIRELY OF ACTUARIAL TABLES

Quincy Mayor Executes Three-Point Turn, Claims It Was Always a Straight Line

South Shore Officials Announce All School Districts Are “Struggling Equally,” Accidentally Reveal They’ve Never Looked at a Budget in Their Lives

Study Finds Hingham’s Most Functional Institution Is a Bunch of People Holding Signs at the Post Office

Town Hires Discount Consultant To Confirm Everything It Already Believed, Calls It “Data-Driven”

The Middle Class Has Statistically Left the Group Chat (But Don’t Worry, South Shore Still Has a Great Christmas Stroll and Artisan Sourdough Bagels)

Hingham Declares State of Mild Alarm After Someone Moved the Decorative Soap

South Shore Residents Stunned to Learn They’re Legally Allowed to Start Businesses That Aren’t Garbage Removal, Lawn Care, or Wreath-Making

Trump Administration Orders States To “Undo” Feeding the Poor, Citing “Unauthorized Full Stomachs”

Let’s Talk About Sex: The Duxbury/ Plymouth “Church-goers” and The Curriculum That Apparently Causes Demonic Puberty”

PRESS RELEASE: DINNER MYSTERY AT MUNICIPAL MANOR: BUDGET FOUND STABBED — INVESTIGATION SUGGESTS A CASE OF “BACKWARDS BUDGETING”

MARSHFIELD, MASSACHUSETTS—A SENTIENT SALTWATER MARSH—FILES EMERGENCY APPEAL TO PAM BONDI, ATTORNEY GENERAL OF THE UNITED STATES, REGARDING ZONING

Plymouth Announces Breakthrough Discovery That Agendas Write Themselves If You Stop Asking About Them

SNAP-POCALYPSE NOW: AMERICA’S #1 ANTI-HUNGER PROGRAM, CURRENTLY ON AIRPLANE MODE

Whitman–Hanson Invented the Circuit Breaker Pyramid Scheme, the Same One Hanover Just Watched and Said, “Iconic.”

Logan Airport Announces New Boarding Group: “Whoever Has Given Up On Life”

Winthrop Tries To Stop Development By Rejecting Housing Plan, Accidentally Triggers MORE Development

We Asked 40 Select Board Members Across the South Shore What Open Meeting Law Meant. 39 Said “We’ll Get Back to You in Executive Session.”

BROCKTON ELECTS A MAYOR WHO ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE BROCKTON; PANIC AT THE COUNTRY CLUB

The Reckoning Exercise: Cohasset Attempts to Stretch Before Accountability

Pembroke Residents Demand Refund After Realizing They’re Paying Extra for “Artisanal Brown Water”

Massachusetts Announces Mandatory Hack Reporting For Municipalities So Everyone Can Panic in Sync. FINALLY.

Healey Administration Launches “Everyone Gets a Turn” Model for Governance

LNMTP’s Official 2025 Halloween Power Rankings: The Good, The Broke, and The Full-Size Hershey Bar

Koch Says $225K Salary Necessary to Attract Quality Candidates Like Himself for 20th Straight Year

Massachusetts Parents Confirm: Your Baby Costs More Than a Condo

Bridgewater School Committee Member Quits After Discovering Job Was Just Trying to Solve Riddles Written by Ghosts

Scituate Golf Team vs. Governance: Athletic Equity Gets a Spotlight

AI Debate at Quincy Forum Goes Off the Rails, Ends with Philosophical Treatise About Consent, Data, and ChatGPT’s Feelings

HINGHAM POLICE DEPARTMENT ISSUES WARNING TO SELF-DRIVING CAR FOR BEHAVING EXACTLY LIKE A MASSACHUSETTS DRIVER

The Myth of the Separate Budget: How Towns Gaslight Themselves into Fiscal Cliffs in The Facebook Comment Sections

Social Security Announces $56 Raise: America Immediately Books One Dentist Appointment, Cancels Halfway Through

Government Reminds 40 Million Americans That Hunger Builds Character (Resources, How to Help, and Other Fun Info)

Marshfield Residents React to Last Town Meeting Like They Just Watched Democracy Lose a Shoe in the Parking Lot

The $75,000 Ad That Broke NAFTA, Raised Your Rent, and Made Your Matcha $12.99

Cohasset Residents Launch “Invest in Cohasset” After Watching Hanover Yell Its Way Into Policy, Declare Moral Victory Before Budget Even Updated

Pentagon Replaces Reporters With Right-Wing Influencers Who Were “Too Oblivious to Prosecute,” but Now Pass the Vibe Check

LMTP: The State of Things, Pending Federal Reimbursement, ACA, SNAP, Heat, School Lunch, and Sanity

Cohasset Declares Fiscal Emergency, Only People Not Paid to Study it, Study It

Greg Did His Best: Marshfield Honors Hero Who Bravely Predicted Numbers No One Understood

Data Shows the South Shore Is Officially Retiring: Massachusetts’ Wealthiest Zip Codes Have Become One Big HOA With a Lifeline Button

HINGHAM TOWN HALL TO CLOSE WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON FOR “STAFF TRAINING,” ALLEGEDLY UNRELATED TO LAST YEAR’S INCIDENT WITH THE THEREMIN AND THE COYOTES

Boston Temporarily Loses Its Grip on Reality After AWS Outage Confirms “The Cloud” Is Actually Just a Basement in Virginia

Federal Layoffs Battle Special Education Oversight, Officials Assure Public Everything’s Fine as Long as You Don’t Have a Kid

Town Installs Predictive AI to Streamline Government, Accidentally Recreates Entire Feudal System in 36 Hours

LNMTP POWER RANKINGS: HOT DAD FALL CLEANUP RANKINGS 2025

Massachusetts Students Celebrate Civic Engagement Week by Filling Out Mock Surveys That Will Be Ignored Just Like the Real One

SOUTH SHORE SCHOOL COMMITTEES HEROICALLY DECIDE THAT STUDENTS SHOULD, IN FACT, PASS CLASSES BEFORE GRADUATING

Today Is Not About Division. It’s About Democracy

The Left Out Facts: Pembroke Held an Hour-Long Hearing on Three Hours of Music While Real Crises Go Ignored

LNMTP PRESENTS: INTRODUCING THE NEW REIGNING CHAMP OF MUNICIPAL MELTDOWNS: BERKELEY, MA

There’s No Way to Report This One Unbiased”: GOP Officials Discover Encryption Can’t Hide Racism, Screenshots, or Stupidity

Healey Delivers Another Monetary “Uh-Oh” to the Outstretched-Hand Economy, Citing Reality, Math, and Other Forms of Abuse

Massachusetts Promises to Review “Every Charge” on Soaring Utility Bills — Which Is Bold Coming From the People Who Approved Them

Shutdown Delays Social Security Boost While Trump Hints at Privatizing It — Seniors Told to “Just Wait, Maybe Forever”

Boston Unsafe? Please. This Is Trump’s Beta Test for Martial Law With a Side of Clam Chowder

Why We Called Hanover’s Numbers Cute and why 7 Percent is A Fairy Tale and A Love Letter to Spreadsheet Optimism

Disabled Kids, Homeless Families, and Seniors: Now Officially the Federal Administration’s Budget Enemies

Read and Sign, Peasants”: Pete Hegseth Accidentally Reignites the American Revolution by Emailing Every Journalist a Loyalty Pledge

Duxbury Dramatics: Town Declares National Emergency Over Bridge Made of Wood and Feelings, Demands Rest of Massachusetts Pay for It

Hanover’s Deficit Isn’t a Surprise — It’s What Happens When You Rewrite Payroll Like a Wish List

The MBTA Law Has Been Found Guilty of Turning Carver Into a Liberal Utopia, According to Comment Section Experts”

The Storm That Hit Harder Than the Rain: Washington Fired the People Who Make Special Ed Funding Work, Someone Check Our Stats.

Duxbury to MassDOT: Take Your Science and Your Load-Bearing Calculations Back to Boston

South Shore Times Is Priming Hanover Residents for Fiscal Gaslighting Season, again.

LNMTP Power Rankings: “Who Blames the State Fastest?”

LNMTP Power Ranking: How Many Consultants Does it Take to Screw in a Budget?

Nor’easter Rolls In, FEMA’s Hollowed Out, and Every Select Board Will Pretend, Again, That No One Told Them.

SOUTH SHORE DECLARES INDEPENDENCE FROM REALITY: “WE’RE STARTING OUR OWN STATE, FUNDED BY FEELINGS AND EXCUSES.”

HINGHAM BUILDS $1 MILLION PLAYGROUND, REAFFIRMS FAITH IN HUMANITY, GRANT WRITING, AND THE HEALING POWER OF ZIP LINES

SHOW ME YOUR BUDGET AND I’LL SHOW YOU YOUR SOUL

HANOVER DOES ANOTHER SCHOOL COMMITTEE PERFORMANCE SKIT TO PREPARE MAXED-OUT TAXPAYERS TO PAY MORE FOR THINGS THEY FORGOT ABOUT WHILE PRETENDING GRANTS WILL COVER IT

Massachusetts Parents Form Support Group After Realizing Their Kids Will Never Afford To Live Within 200 Miles

MOUNTAIN HOME, IDAHO — TRUMP BASE UNVEILS NEW QATAR WING, MAGA VOTERS EXPERIENCE EXISTENTIAL CRISIS MID-POTATO FIELD

Hanover Compares Itself to Hingham in Bold New Phase of Fiscal Psychosis

MAGA Meltdown Erupts After Nobel Committee Honors Venezuelan Democracy Leader Instead of Trump, Who Spent the Week Calling for “Eradication of Political Enemies”

Math Wins Again: Plymouth County’s 9.44% Return Ruins Everyone’s Favorite Excuse

HANSON CONTRACTOR THINKS ZONING MEANS BUILDING CLOWN CARS, STILL MAD ABOUT MBTA COMMUNITIES ACT

“Fixing the Foundation” — or How Massachusetts Perfected the Art of Building Inequality Out of Brick, Bond Ratings, and Bullshit

Trump Threatens to Deploy National Guard to Massachusetts; State Politely Responds, “Yeah, Good Luck, Buddy.”

Massachusetts Discovers $650 Million Hole, Federal Government Cancels Reality, and the Jobs Report Is Being Held Hostage by Daddy Trump Himself

Hanson Hosts Special Town Meeting Tonight To Debate Whether Reality Is a Local Matter

Massachusetts Eighth Graders Fail Civics Test, State Unsure How to Grade a Country That Failed First

Hanover, Marshfield, Hanson MBTA Mandate Has Officially Entered Its “We’re Not Wrong, We’re Just Misunderstood” Era

Duxbury Oysters Rejoice as Harvest Ban Frees Them From Centuries of Slurping: “We Finally Have Rights, You Gelatinous Colonizers”

Hingham Builds $60 Million Playscape, Supposedly for Public Safety, Tells Seniors With Dementia to Squeeze Into Smaller Rooms

Marshfield Real Estate Broker Allegedly Invents New Housing Model: “Steal the Escrow, Buy a Tesla, Hope Nobody Notices”

Marshfield Select Board Meltdown: Town Clerk Loses Power, Building Commissioner Delivers WWE Promo, and Local Democracy Becomes Appointment Television

Nation Prepares for Historic Medical Bake Sale as ACA Subsidy Expiration Sends Premiums Into Orbit

Vought Cancels Roads, Bridges, and Common Sense in Blue States — GOP Realizes They Live There Too

JD Vance’s Big White House Moment Cut Short After Reporters Decide America Has Suffered Enough

Spicy October: We Warned You, You Cosplay Culture War Clowns

Rockland’s Kratom ‘Crisis’ to Be Decided by Mother–Son Duo in Last-Minute Emergency Meeting

Kids, Degrees, and Debt: Massachusetts Brags About Test Scores While Taking Out a Payday Loan to Cover Them

South Shore Preposition War Now Deadlier Than Zoning Disputes

The South Shore “Who Sold a Fancy House Once” Olympic Leaderboard

White House Publishes Official Enemies List, Apparently Cosplaying Nixon Speedrun; Boston Mayor Michelle Wu Included for Crime of Having Opinions

Trump Declares Portland “War-Ravaged,” Authorizes “Full Force,” While City Responds With Brunch, Jogging, and Mildly Annoyed Golden Retrievers

Hot Pembroke Construction Dads and Our New Grandma Advocate for South Shore VoTech Buy-In—and We’re Here for It

Federal Customs Officer Moonlights as Plymouth Town Manager to Wage War on Christmas Lights, Accidentally Becomes South Shore’s Most Confusing Supervillain

Hanover Declares Victory Over 2041 by Crossing Out the Date on Senior Housing

Quincy Mayor Accidentally Declares Himself Spokesman For “Church PR Department Nobody Asked For”

South Shore Elected Officials Horrified to Learn Their Jobs Involve Governing

South Shore Without Chaos? Don’t Make Us Laugh (Or do…Please, do…)

LNMTP Morning Reax: Thanks, BG, for Reminding Everyone How Poor They Are.

LNMTP Power Rankings: 10 Types of People Who Work in Town Government (Plus One Bonus)

BREAKING: Trump Administration Officially Declares Hunger “Fake News,” Cancels Entire Concept of Empty Stomachs

Weekend Update: The Absurdity Is Now Premium Content. Sorry, Guys.

Massachusetts Pretends to Be Shocked By Rate Hike Everyone Saw Coming, Demands DPU To Pretend Even Harder

“South Shore Finance Officials Stampede Out of Town Hall Like It’s a Marshfield Estate Sale: ‘We’re Out, Good Luck With Your Pools and Overrides’”

The Last, Last Word: We’re Never Talking About a School Budget Ever Again—And Now We See Why Hanover Needs to Spend More on Education

Duxbury Declares Themselves the Hague Tribunal of Assassinations, Cancel Culture, and Air Force Funeral Logistics

LNMTP PETTY PIECE PRESS RELEASE: Hanover’s Magical Potions and The Little Budget That Could

Ten Ways to Cope on the SS While Watching Your Tax Dollars Get Set on Fire Like a Bonfire Nobody Pulled a Permit For and Why Elected Leaders Should Stop Acting like Toddlers Who Need A Time Out

Great Expectations, Greater Overrides: An English Syllabus for the South Shore

Hull School Declares Crushing Victory in Student Satisfaction Rankings After Surviving 72 Hours Without Implosion

South Shore Not-So-Power Rankings: The Veterans Parade Is Dead, Long Live the Sheet Cake

Joke Level: Moderate. We Told You So: High. We're Tired of People Being Surprised by Trends Right in Front of Their Faces. Let's Talk Rentals.

South Shore Suburbs as Harry Potter Houses – You Already Know Hingham Thinks It’s Gryffindor

Best Excuses For Why Towns Can’t Comply With MBTA Zoning – Comedy Meets Policy

Rockland Approves $28 Million Fire Station and Truck in Low-Turnout Tiebreaker

Rockland Votes Again: Haunted Firehouse Tours, PFAS Tap Water, and the Slot Machine of Democracy

The South Shore Is Not Immune: A Field Guide to the 7 Media Plagues Making You Yell at Your Neighbor About Charlie Kirk

LNMTP Friday Night Lights: South Shore Autumn Aesthetic Power Rankings

Duxbury, Magical Threes, Beetlejuice, School Committees, and South Shore Math

15 Tropes We’re Obsessed With in Budget Fan Fiction

Boston’s Preliminary Election Is Basically March Madness for People Who Think Ranked Choice Voting Is a Personality

Brockton School Committee Race Spirals Into Police Procedural, Budget Therapy, and One Guy Who Really Likes Buses

South Shore Demands Freedom From State Mandates, Immediately Submits Receipt for $9.5 Million in Grants

Rockland Invents New Committee to Figure Out If Baking Muffins in Your Kitchen Is a Zoning Violation While Scituate Brags About Ending the Year With $483.33

LNMTP Sunday Morning Sports: Bill Belichick Declares Nuclear Divorce from the Patriots, Wins in the Rain, Still Refuses to Feel Feelings

Pembroke Teachers Association Website Makes Us Feel So Seen, We Might Start Writing It Love Letters

Massachusetts Finally Realizes Screaming at the Ref Isn’t a Constitutional Right

South Shore Towns Invent Victimhood, Outsource Blame to Plymouth County

South Shore Invents Inflation, Pretends It’s a Natural Disaster

LNMTP FRIDAY NIGHT TABLE SERVICE: Nantucket’s Sewage Confirms What We Already Suspected—The Party’s On-Island

Price Stability in Weymouth, Blackout Roulette Everywhere Else, We’d Sign Up.

🚨 BREAKING: America’s Loudest Safety Patrol Vibe Now Has 10,000 ICE Agents to Blow His Whistle At Sanctuary Cities 🚨

Marshfield Just Turned JV Soccer Into a First-Round Draft Pick Buy-In

LNMTP Presents: We Rewrote SST’s’ ‘Investigative’ Story — This Time With The Integrity Expected of an Investigative Journalist.

Hanson Invents South Shore Math, Burns $525,000, and Somehow Earns a Participation Trophy Called “Stalemate”

LNMTP Presents: Marshfield Gone Wild — Oprah Style Edition

Fountain Square — Hingham Decides Utility Poles Have Suffered Enough

Asked and Answered: SSN, Hanover Claps for Itself, Kim Jong Un Says He’s Hiring

LNMTP Presents: Duxbury FAFO, Welcome to the World of Corporate Portfolio Real Estate, Baby

Audit Gap in Brockton Becomes Statewide Scandal; Hanover’s Year of Phantom Ledgers Covered as ‘Scrapbooking Delay’

Full Transparency: Local Governance, Narrative Hardening, and Risk Modeling: A South Shore Case Study Eventually including Hanover

LNMTP Explainer: National Security, Wind, But Make It Dumb

PRESS RELEASE: Sock Puppet Energy Theater Players Union Responds to Salem Harbor Cancellation; Issues Ensemble Reminder

Hanover School Budget and the Ethics Problem We’re Tripling Down On

LNMTP: Top Ten Reasons Moms of Liberty Are Awful People

LNMTP: Out of Office, But Never Too Busy to Take Out the Trash

Moms of Liberty Land New Jobs in Sanitation: Finally Paid to Handle the Trash They’ve Always Been

Hanover School Funding: Asked and Answered — Why We Stand By Our Words and Pembroke vs. Hanover

Massachusetts Braces for 350,000 People to Lose Health Care, SNAP, and Heat — South Shore Still Out Here Acting Like It’s 1999

South Shore Watching Somerville’s Bike Path Mayor Race Like: Honestly, Put the Cat on the Ballot Here Too

Hanover’s Override Hunger Games End With Campaign Warriors Feeding Only Themselves, Town Left Holding Champagne Bill

LNMTP PSA: The First Day of School

Don’t Worry: A Hurricane Hasn’t “Hit” in Decades — and Other Budget-Wrecking Meteorological Lies My Therapist Is Tired of Hearing About

Boston’s Monopoly Board, But Make It Zillow: How Rich People Segregated the Map Like They Were Speedrunning SimCity on God Mode

Puppet Press Release Explained, In Depth: The Real Consequences of the Revolution Wind Stop

PRESS RELEASE: Puppet Energy Theater Players Union Registers Formal Disgust at Revolution Wind Production Cancellation; Announces 2025–26 Theater Season

Norwell Redefines Transparency as “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, Don’t Expect to Be Reappointed”

25 Outrageous Things We’d Do If Fat Cat Would Just Open Its Doors Again in Quincy

LNMTP Presents: The South Shore Film Festival — One Region. Eleven Towns. Zero Fiscal Stability.

LNMTP Presents: When the News Doesn’t Report the News (And Somehow Still Calls It Journalism)

Hingham Squeaks Into Top 40 High Schools, Immediately Declares Vicious South Shore Rivalry With Cohasset

South Shore Celebrity Death Match: Cohasset vs. Scituate vs. Hingham (ft. Hull & Norwell in the Parking Lot)

Local Dad Promises This Time Departments -Really Seriously, Totally Not Joking - Are Grounded at 2.5%, Departments Say “Yes Dad” While Drinking in the Basement on a School Night

We Asked 100 South Shore Residents What an Enterprise Fund Is, and 97 of Them Said “Is That Like a Star Trek Thing?”

Part 5: Family Ties and Fiscal Fails: Hanover’s PD Payroll in Overdrive

Part Four: Pensionable PD Pay Spiral and the Negotiating Table

LNMTP Presents: The South Shore Anthology of Everyday Legends

Hanover Schools Announce Apocalypse Budget, Then Magically Find Treasure Chest to Fund Expansion

Sunday Morning Housekeeping

Part 3: Hanover Police, 1995 Forever, and the Paychecks That Won’t Quit

LNMTP: A Notice About Nothing

Another Part 2: Overpaid and Overprotected—How Hanover Spends Big on Safety Despite Being America’s Safest Town

Fear for Sale: Why Hanover Pays Top Dollar for Some of the Safest Streets in America. A Three Part Override Expose.

Fire Departments Ranked by How Many Pancake Breakfasts It Would Take to Fund a New Ladder Truck

Massachusetts Beach Bacteria Announces Candidacy for Select Board, Promises “Full Transparency” While Also Remaining Entirely Invisible

Hanover Conservation Commission Declares War on Bambi, Deer Hunters, and Basic Logic in One Bold Move

Marshfield Realizes Beach Has Been Eroding Since Ford Administration; Now Wants to Undo Half-Century of ‘Whoops’

South Shore Towns Warned: New Union Strategy Targeting Municipal Elections Will Turn Your School Board Into a $1 Million Budget Tinder Date

Pembroke School Committee Replaces Calculus-Based Physics with “Math That Won’t Hurt Your Feelings”

LNMTP PRESENTS: 20 Things Hanover Will Absolutely Spend $1.3 Million On Instead of Fixing Anything That Actually Matters

“Maybe If We Ignore the Pipes for 75 Years, They’ll Fix Themselves”: A South Shore Infrastructure Horror Story

CONKAWD, YOU FOOLS”: The CBS Lawsuit That Started with a Weather Segment and Ended in White Fragility Federal Court

Red vs. Blue: Rockland’s Charity Wiffle Ball Game Is a Full-Contact Emotional Grudge Match

South Shore Declares Victory After Surviving Half a Day Without Computers, Blames Russia Anyway

Quincy Mayor Breaks CEO Salary Barrier, Still Complains About Ribbon-Cutting Fatigue

LNMTP Power Rankings: Sidelines & Suspects – Top Ten South Shore Youth Sports Parents One Whistle Away From a Netflix True Crime Docuseries

PEMBROKE’S NEW OFFICIAL GUIDE TEACHES HOW TO STOP BEING SCARED OF WORDS AND FABRIC”

Hanover Schools Unveil New Course: ‘Financial Literacy for Override Kids—How to Pay Off Mom’s Canva Addiction Before It Ruins Your Life’

Scituate Lifeguards Demand Special Parking After Burrito Crisis Leaves Entire Beach Unsaved for 22 Minutes

Marshfield Select Board Turns Down Police Escorts, Opens South Shore’s First Civic Underground Parking Lot….Thing

South Shore to Partner in Study to Study How Much Money They Invest in Studies That Study Things They Never Do Anything With

South Shore Residents Horrified to Discover Small Businesses Can Exist Without Power Tools, Polyester Polos, or Lawncare

Marshfield Secures Housing—for Ghosts. Not You. Never You.

“Wait, We Have to Earn the Money?” South Shore Towns Horrified to Discover Budgets Aren’t Funded by Magic

Hanover Police Brags Force Still Made Up of 1995 Scooby-Doo Cast, Dare Shirt Enthusiast, Ball of Yarn in Thumbtack Box

LNMTP PRESENTS: 18 Completely Normal, Emotionally Stable Ways to Say “I Love You” on the South Shore

Plymouth County Fair to Feature Dunk Tank Where You Throw Grants at a Finance Director Who Won’t Catch Them

Unhinged Dispatch from the Draft Dungeon: When the Rockland Board of Health Can’t Spell “Minutes” but Can Ban Your Vape

Part 3: Why Hanover Is Headed for Another Override: It’s Not 2000 Anymore, A History

Pembroke School Committee Boldy Declares, "You Can Pry These Phones from Our Cold, Locally Controlled Hands"

Woman Protects Coworker from Armed Racist in Dunkin’ Drive-Thru, Gets Fired for Heroism; Plymouth Declares Independence from Dunkin’

LNMTP Power Rankings: Top 10 South Shore Decks That Whisper “I’ve Been Bad”

Duxbury Resident Walks Into Town Hall, Accidentally Discovers Toxic Workplace Ecosystem With a Side of Felony Vibes

Hanover Housing Complex Officially Declared Mouse-Owned; Town Unsure Who’s on the Lease

More to Know: Municipalities Are Not Corporations and You Can’t Run Them Like One, You Budget-Board Broccoli-Floret

Things to Know For Budget Season: A Clean Audit Doesn’t Mean A Clean Conscience

Hanson Sparks Full-Scale Moral Reawakening Over Unscanned Dog Food

Today in Hanover: Forgetting Payroll, Forgetting Seniors, But Never Forgetting to Ask Everyone Else's Tax Dollars for Help

Statewide Lawyer Shortage Leaves Criminal Defendants with No One to Fight for Them Other Then a Guy Named Todd Who Once Watched A Bunch Of Law and Order

PART 2: Why Hanover Is Headed for Override 3.0, Let's Start at the Very Beginning

BREAKING: South Shore Flooding Not a Budget-Friendly Way to Build a Town Pool, Officials Say

PART ONE: Asked and Answered: Hanover’s Headed for Override 3.0 (Here’s Why)

HINGHAM SPENDS $57K ON TREADMILLS, $26K ON OPIOIDS, BECAUSE CARDIO IS MORE FUN THAN CRISIS MANAGEMENT

Hanover Officials Retreat Into Secret Portal Marked “M.G.L. Chapter 30A §21(a)(3)” After Realizing They May Owe a Weed Company $630K

Massachusetts Scrambles to Prepare for Budget Chaos After Trump Withholds Education Funds, Towns Discover "Grant" is Not Just a Baby Name

“Somebody Come Get Your Cows”: Plymouth Descends Into Open-Range Madness After Livestock Spotted Roaming Free, Facebook Comments Erupt Into Cow Commune

We’re Back, Baby: LNMTP Returns Refreshed After Vacation, Immediately Plunges Into Marshfield Phone Call Cult Chaos

Part 3: More Asked and Answered. We're Not Picking on Hanover. Vendor Math isn't Healthcare Policy.

Bridgewater Town Council Accidentally Elects Functional Adult, and Frankly, We’re Furious About It

Asked and Answered: Why Did We Write “When You Don’t Know How Anything Works, You Write Stuff Like This”? Hanover’s Ambulance Fee Hike Steps on a Rake—Again.

If South Shore Municipal Governance Had Trading Cards, We’d Be Hunting for a Mint Condition Bridgewater Blythe Robinson Rookie

South Shore Towns React to Zombie Apocalypse Exactly as You’d Expect, Officials Confirm

Earmarks Followed, MBTA Funded, Children Rescued—Massachusetts in Budget Shock. Let’s party.

When Local News Runs Rockland's Legal Defense and Buries Harassment Under Liquor Licenses

Raynham, Raynham… Raynham. LOL. Come Sit Down. Let's Have an Override Chat.

Timeout Trauma and the Naughty Room Industrial Complex: Massachusetts Promises to Clarify That Solitary Confinement Should Be Well-Lit

South Shore Towns Ranked by Likelihood to Create a Committee About the Committee

Marshfield Chair Eric Kelley Quietly Deletes Pride Proclamation, Breaks Every Transparency Promise He Made

Hanover’s AI-Powered Budget Spin Hikes Ambulance Fees While Pretending No One Will Get Hurt

LNMTP Power Rankings: South Shore Towns Ranked by Likelihood to Use ‘Affordable Housing’ as a Slur at a PTA Meeting

Milton Appoints Local Man With Dictionary Allergy as Pro Bono Special Counsel Just to Shut Him Up; Town Immediately Regrets Letting Zoning Become a Genre of Legal Fiction

Nobody Asked Us. But Here We Are, Telling You to Vote Yes in Raynham

LNMTP South Shore Backyard BBQ Power Rankings

Hanover Narrowly Avoids Lawsuit Over Stolen Line: Canva Coach Cathy Breaks Down More Messaging Crimes by the Canva Camp

Letter From The Editor: "What the Fuck's Your Problem?"- Answered.

Top Aide’s Mom Casually Drops $100K Into Wu Super PAC, Boston Politics Officially a Family Affair

Weymouth Passes Budget Without Moral Ultimatum, Towns Accuse Them of Fiscal Witchcraft

Fenway Park Concessions Workers Prepare to Strike Over Wages, Automation, and the Radical Belief That Robots Can’t Card Drunk Yankees Fans

Marshfield Breaks Ground on $750,000 ADA-Compliant Fantasyland So Local Children Can Watch Each Other Play Safely While Living in Their Parents’ Basements Forever

Quincy Commemorates Juneteenth with 5K Run, DJ Booth, and Absolutely No Historical Context

Gentle Parent Jenny Asked to Mediate Planning Board Meeting, Leaves in Tears After Norwell Throws Literal Tantrum Over 40B

Hanover Woman Discovers She’s Accidentally Powering Half the Grid After Town Secretly Enrolls Her in Surprise Energy Throuple

Duxbury Heroically Complies with Housing Law by Declaring Existing Buildings… Existing

Eversource Rolls Out Smart Meters Despite Health Concerns, Reminds Residents: “You’re Gonna Die Anyway”

We Asked 100 Rockland Residents What TIF Stands For and 37 Guessed It’s a New Strain of Weed

Boston Renters Celebrate New ‘Affordability Tier’ Where You Only Pay 90% of Your Soul

Hull Debates Drinking Toilet Water While the South Shore Burns Sage and Screams Into a Salt Marsh

Duxbury's Upcoming Town Meeting: Zoning, Regret, and the Ghost of Thatcher the Golden Retriever

South Shore Hunger Games Simulation: Part 2 — Arena Challenge #1: Summary and Scores

South Shore Hunger Games Simulation: Arena Challenge #1 — Zoning or Death (Part 1)

MISSING DOG MELTS HEARTS: Plymouth Forgets Traffic, Taxes, and HOA Feuds, Rediscovers Compassion in Search for Pint-Sized Icon with a Possible Civic Future

LNMTP POWER RANKING: Which South Shore Daddy Would We Let Mow Our Lawn… and Maybe Also Ruin Our Life in a Fun Way?

OP-ED about Opting: You Don’t Get to Opt Out of the Housing Crisis. Renters Are Coming.

We Asked 100 South Shore Residents to Explain What a Warrant Article Is. 73 Thought It Had Something to Do With Parking Tickets.

Cohasset and Scituate Sign Historic Peace Accord to End Decade-Long Shellfish Skirmish, Immediately Apply for UN Recognition as Co-Governors of Mollusk Stability

We Asked 50 Culinary School Graduates What Each South Shore Town Would Be If It Were a Breakfast Dish. The Results Were Both Alarming and On-Brand.

Man Who Lost Hanover Select Board Race Emerges from Political Fog to Demand Thank-You Notes for $1.1M in Federal Funding Hanover Forgot to Pick Up

LIVE FROM THE STUDIO: Legal Lady Lucy and Therapist Thelma Accidentally Stage a Full Procedural Intervention While Reviewing Duxbury’s Housing Apocalypse Fanfic

Duxbury School Committee Praises Superintendent, Immediately Regrets Giving Her the Floor

Plymouth Select Board Forced to Vote on Not Being Emotionally Unstable Nightmares in Public

Hanover Select Board Considers Charging Elderly for Having Skeletons, Doesn't Understand Definition of the Word 'Business'

Massachusetts to Poor Drivers: We’d Rather You Be Hammered Than Behind on Tolls

Massachusetts Shocks No One by Ranking 35th in Letting Seniors Age in Place, Experts Cite Death, Taxes, and Colonial Clapboard Zoning

Nine Massachusetts Towns Sue for Right to Remain Delusional, Get Legally Spanked by Reality Instead

Duxbury Chaos Erupts as Plovers Lay Eggs and Local Men Lose Grip on Beach Access and Reality

Hanover’s Strategy of “Not Our Problem” Ends in Actual Fire

Duxbury Journalist Declares Narrative Emergency After PowerPoint Edits, Forms Cult in Comment Section

Duxbury’s Bold Lawsuit Against Housing Law Heroically Fails, Thousands of Dollars Light Themselves on Fire in Solidarity

Marshfield Lobster Rolls Now Require Credit Check, Background Screening, and Blood Oath of Financial Readiness

HULL SELECT BOARD MEETING DERAILS AFTER MAN NOMINATES HIMSELF FOR 14 POSITIONS, INCLUDING “EMOTIONAL LOST & FOUND CUSTODIAN”

South Shore Hunger Games: Tribute Selection Ceremony aka Starting Scores: Who’s Most Likely to Survive the South Shore Hunger Games?

Duxbury: Proudly Marinating in Radiation, Emotionally Unavailable to the Region

Pandemonium in Pembroke: Local Man Spills Mystery Liquid in Wife’s “Car Seat,” Community Unsure If She’s 5’2” or Five Years Old

Duxbury to State: Give Us Millions or We’ll Keep Suing You While Crying About Sidewalks and Pretending We’re Rich

Pride Month Shatters Patriots Fans’ Illusion That Football Wasn’t Already Emotional, Theatrical, and Full of Color Coordination

Plymouth County Parking Nerd Patrol Expands Influence, Declares New World Order of Metered Obedience

Hanover Suffers Mass Override Flashback After Jell-O Prank: Therapists Warn of “WMD Syndrome” (Weapons of Misrepresented Data)

Scituate Medium Dogs Form Armed Militia After Being Banned From Both Small and Big Parks: “This Is About Liberty. And Also Tennis Balls.”

Hanover Kid's Treehouse51 Union Issues Formal Statement Regarding Senior Prank and Vandalism at the 'Big Kids School'

Marshfield Man Demands End to Outdoor Dining So He Can Hear Himself Sulk

2025 South Shore Hunger Games: A Live Simulation in Civic Dysfunction

Retired Realtor Rita Runs Rogue PAC Called ‘Not In My Census Tract’

Hanover Police Remind Motorists to Yield to Horse Riders, Cowboy Delusions, and Absolutely No Yellowstone Spoilers

Ice Cream Stands That Would Definitely Survive the Collapse of Society: South Shore Resilience Rankings

Raynham Select Board Denies Permit for Live-Action Jumanji Featuring Live Bulls: Police and Fire Chiefs Explode, "WE'RE FUN, DAMMIT"

Duxbury Accidentally Turns Itself On During Zoning Meeting After ‘Primal Brain’ Comment

Whitman-Hanson School Budget Plan Involves Adding Students Until the Hole Disappears

Scituate Declares Martial Paw After Golden Retriever Launches Unauthorized Joy Operation on Golf Course

Shall Wars: The Grammar Strikes Back — Janet From Capital Advisors Destroys Six Months of Municipal Ambiguity in One Swipe of the Pen in Hingham

South Shore Town Blocks Housing to Avoid School Costs, Immediately Spends Millions on New School Anyway

Duxbury Zoning Truther Unveils Zoning Conspiracy Chart So Deranged Even Charlie From ‘It’s Always Sunny’ Told Her to Calm Down

Once Upon a Floorplan: The MBTA Communities Act and the Towns That Time-Zoned

Milton Demands Full Home Rule While Living Off Everyone Else’s Infrastructure Like a Well-Spoken Teen on Their Parents’ Insurance

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Expensive Peak Hour

South Shore Power Rankings: The Hottest Moms You Should’ve Let Run the Town in the First Place

When You Think the Biggest Threat to Your Child’s Education Is Underfunded Dodgeball, But It’s Really FERPA Loopholes and Whoever Is Letting AI Grade Your Kids

After Failing Override and Boil Water Panic, Hanson Fixes Everything by Giving Chad a MacBook

In This Week’s Episode of Everyone’s Favorite Sunday Morning Cartoon — Hanover Politics: “I Know You Are But What Am I?” Returns for a Special Override-Scented Showdown

Rockland Officials Issue Joint Statement: “Yes, We Know You Think We’re Plymouth’s Little Brother”

“Stop Enabling Variable Rates, Babe”: Scituate, Marshfield, and Duxbury Stage Beverage-Fueled Girls’ Night Intervention Over Hanover’s Toxic Relationship Using Unbundled Energy

How Not to Make Your Lack of Hugs as a Child Your Barista’s Fault: Therapist Thelma and Beloved Barista Bryn Host South Shore Workshop for Women at Risk of Iced Beverage Meltdowns

Norwell Accidentally Approves Double Budget, Town Government Declares ‘No Takesies Backsies’ Clause in Full Effect

Bridgewater Officials Say ‘Prime Pickleball Hours’ Must Be Protected, Even If It Means Letting the Sun Cook a Few Peasants

PEMBROKE GOOSE GANGS BREAK BRIOCHE, FORM BLOOD PACT AFTER SECOND ROADSIDE KILLING AND YEARS OF RESIDENT SPEEDERS

We Ranked South Shore Towns by How Fast They’d Call the Cops on a Lemonade Stand

We Asked 100 South Shore Residents to Define ‘Smart Growth’—Now There’s a Warrant for Our Arrest in Duxbury

Hanover Reacts to Missed Millions With Hurt Feelings Instead of Action; Neighboring Towns Suspect Municipal-Wide Gas Leak, Not Budget Crisis

Weymouth Texts “U Up?” to Truant Teens, Promises They’ll Change If Students Give Them One More Chance

If You’re Having Parcel Problems, I Feel Bad for You, Son — Raynham Has 99 Problems, But a Lease Ain’t One

Scituate Starts Cloning Kelly Donnelly After She Calmly Demands “Affordability in Perpetuity,” Accidentally Sets Regional Standard for Functional Governance

New East Boston Development Includes Rooftop Yoga, Wine Cellar, and Absolutely No Residents from East Boston

Hanover Elects Select Board Member Who Just Learned What State Government Is After Running Most Embarrassing Bullying Campaign in Town History

Massachusetts House Committee Confirms: People Without Homes Should Just Try Owning One

Timmy the Town Drunk's Hangover Hacks for the Newly Taxed and Spiritually Bankrupt

Live Updates: South Shore Residents Seek Hangover Cures After Election Season Binge, Shame Persists Like a Town Meeting That Won’t End

Live Updates from the Ground: Override Emergency Declared on South Shore, FEMA on Standby as Civic Hangover Looms

Cohasset Planning Board Candidates Clash Over Sacred Right to Blow Up Backyard Ledge, Declare Rocks Have Had It Too Good for Too Long

Ranking South Shore Water by Toxic Masculinity and E. Coli Content

South Shore Water Contaminated With E. Coli, Bacteria, and 200 Years of Municipal Neglect

Raynham Voters Stunned to Learn Ballots Were Just "Strongly Worded Suggestions"

Hanover Override Campaign Encourages Voters to Text Everyone They Know While Watching TV, But Fails to Specify What Shows Are Override-Safe

South Shore Children Unionize, Join SAG-AFTRA After Demanding Backpay for Roles as Budget Crisis Actors

Plymouth Opens Nation’s First Segregated Dog Park, Proudly Reinstates Jim Crow for Poodles While Children Barter for Glue Sticks in the School Hallway

Plymouth Candidates Heroically Prepare for ICE Raids That Aren’t Legal, Affordable Housing That Isn’t Happening, and Students Who Might Be Immigrant Ghosts

168 Hanover Voters Confused to Learn Ballots Don’t Walk Themselves to Dropbox

East Bridgewater Thinks Duplexes Are Terrorism, Spends Like a Resort, Zones Like a Turnip Patch, and Blames State Math

BREAKING: Plymouth Turns $60 Walmart Oopsie Into Full-Blown Manhunt Because Guy Didn’t Cry, Confess, and Call 911 on Himself

Retired Couple Drives to Post Office, Grocery Store, and Gas Station in Full-Day Adventure Called “Running One Errand”

Hingham Man Says Housing Crisis Not Real Because “My Daughter Just Bought a House in Charleston”

South Shore Woman Who’s Publicly Weighed In on Everything Since the Obama Administration Now Claims She Had Nothing to Do With the Town’s Collapse, Launches Select Board Bid Anyway

Bridgewater’s Toxic Wells Complete Rehab, Say They’re Finally Ready to Be Normal Water Again

Corporate Bowl-and-Bail: PINZ Fires Entire Staff Via Email, Changes Locks Before the Ranch Cooled, Ghosts Harder Than Your Last Situationship

Kingston Police Open New Firing Range, Politely Remind Residents: “Just So You Know… We’re Getting Real Good at Aiming”

Hanover Budget Advocates Urge “Every Vote Counts” After Spending Weeks Telling Half the Town to Shut Up

Quincy Library Ants Declare Sovereignty, Demand Equal Access to Google Docs and Democracy

Pembroke Residents Beg Town to Stop Gaslighting Them About Water That Looks Like It Was Siphoned from Satan’s Crockpot

Hanover BAC Unveils Budget Override Graphic That Says: "Vote Yes, Dumbass, Or We Burn The Library and Blame Your GED"

Weymouth Unveils 10-Year Plan to Catch Up to the Rest of the Country’s Basic Understanding That People Shouldn’t Die in Crosswalks

MBTA Confirms Red Line Ends in Braintree Because “We Got There and Said Nope, Turn Around”

Boston Red Sox Consider Relocation After Realizing They Can’t Compete With South Shore Budget Season’s Raw Emotional Violence

Marshfield Descends Into Open Class Warfare as Boating Season Begins and the Haves Float Past the Have-Yachts

Candidate Spotlight: Debra Everly Throws Hat into Plymouth Select Board Race, Accidentally Restores Town’s Faith in Humanity

Quincy BJ’s Gas Station Fire Suppression System Declares Itself Town Mediator, Cites Years of “Uncontrolled Combustion at the Pumps”

"Invest In Hanover" Facebook Group Accidentally Bullies Domestic Violence Survivor While Busy Cross-Checking Facebook Comments With Voter Rolls Like It’s Homeland Security

Massachusetts Turtles Secure 9-Acre Protected Paradise, Instantly Become Region’s Most Stable Homeowners

Massachusetts Suburbs Heroically Choose to Self-Tax Into Infinity Rather Than Allow Gross Affordable Housing to Exist

Hanover School Committee Stunned by Rise in Incivility After Years of Turning School System Into Weaponized Battleground for Override Politics and Mommy Vendettas

Pembroke Candidate for School Committee Confuses Human Beings with FDA-Approved Medications, Still Wants to Oversee Education

BREAKING: Pembroke Locals Heroically Survive Terrorist Attack by Signs That Say “Be Nice”

Hanover in Turmoil as Anonymous Posts Leave Override Supporters Unsure Who to Bully, One Man Prepares Statement Denying Epstein Ties Just in Case

Hingham Residents Demand Federal Intervention After Pickleball Noise Reaches “Unholy Popping Crescendo”

South Shore Man Accidentally Declares Candidacy for Select Board After Making Eye Contact with Town Clerk

Whitman Resident Sues Town After Being Mistaken for Someone from Brockton: “I Was Treated Like I Don’t Own Seasonal Decor”

Plymouth Passes Non-Performative Policy, Triggering Mass Confusion Across South Shore PTA Circles

Hingham Planning Board Candidates Vow to Defend Town’s “Character,” Which Is Apparently a 3,000-Square-Foot Cape with 2.5 Children and Zero Duplexes

South Shore Woman Labels 24-Minute Commute to Braintree “A Long-Distance Relationship,” Launches GoFundMe for Travel Expenses

Whitman Throws in Towel, Greenlights Town-Wide Bender for Whitman Day: “Screw It, Let’s Black Out and Rage”

“YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT MY 250TH BIRTHDAY,” SOBS AMERICA TO HINGHAM — “YOU’RE JUST PRETENDING FOR GRANT MONEY”

Hanover Accuses Seniors of “Politicizing Age” While Launching 12th Campaign Ad Featuring Child Crying on School Steps

Eversource Uses Sock Puppet Theater to Justify Sky-High Energy Bills, Plymouth Still Cold and Furious

Plymouth Select Board Walks Back Gun Ballot Question After Remembering What Happens When You Give Moms Clipboards, Let Alone Ammunition

Pembroke School Committee Delays $40 Million Budget Vote to Settle Once and for All: Is Tomato a Fruit, a Vegetable, or Just Too Bold for the Bowl?

Massachusetts Mandates Override Trauma Therapy for Hanover Kids After $1.1M ARPA Funded Study Reveals Town Turned Children Into Living Budget Justifications

Whitman Considers Override But Stops Short, Terrified of Becoming ‘Hanover with Fewer Bricks’